Archive 2014 June

One Year

It’s been one, whole year since I walked into the Minneapolis airport and took a one way flight to Fairbanks. When I woke up and glanced at my Time Hop app confirming it had indeed been a year, I took a moment to replay the entire day in my head. It was one of the most life changing days in my life so far, and I can remember all the small details so vividly.

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Sob-festing while my niece could have definitely cared less #babyprobs

The way my heart raced on the way to the airport, and how I kept trying to make my baby niece in the car seat next to me laugh to avoid the impending goodbye. When I checked my bags and then stood at security with my sister and cried uncontrollably hugging her, her husband, and my niece repeatedly. The wait at the gate. I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat as I write this remembering how my every sense was heightened, aware as I cautiously watched the gate that this would be one of those moments I would never forget. The two little girls I was seated next to; blonde, talkative, and sweet. They told me about camping trips in the mountains with their military dad that they flew to see every summer, and how much I’d love Fairbanks. If only those little girls knew that they comforted me in ways I’ll never be able to thank them for. They distracted me from my sadness by teaching me how to fishtail my braid, playing with the few games I had on my Nook, and making adorable comments on the movie that was playing [Safe Haven].

Then I landed in Fairbanks, and it was over. The fear, the sadness, the goodbyes. The five hour flight hadn’t done it, but the wheels on the ground, and my husband a mere 1,000 feet away did. It was June 17th, eighty some degrees, and sunny as could be at 9:45 PM.

Now a year later, I’m essentially an Alaskan. Minus the driver’s license, which as a military spouse I’m allowed to keep from my home state. I have lost a large portion of my Minnesota accent, according to my Nebraskan friend who made fun of me endlessly for my pronunciation of all long “a” words (think “bag”). I am accustom to driving on roads completely covered in ice at all times (Minnesotans actually plow the roads and use salt to remove ice). I refer to Fairbanks as “in town” and once called the Lower 48 “Outside”. I have fallen in love with mountains and hiking, and even went skiing when it was below zero once this winter (never again). I am the palest I’ve been since age seventeen because I decided the effort to stay tan in Alaska would inevitably give me skin cancer and it is not worth the battle. I shop at Fred’s. My favorite restaurants are little local spots that serve up mouth-watering halibut and/or shrimp. I survived a 9 month winter, and -48 degrees. I’m in love with the midnight sun and will proudly brag about Fairbanks’ perfect (but entirely too short) summers.

I still haven’t shot a moose, voted Republican (ain’t ever happening), drove a gas-guzzling truck, or caught a halibut. The first three I’ll be perfectly content leaving Alaska without having done, but I’ll be earning my deep sea fishing and halibut catching badges in a couple weeks time! I’m still obsessed with big cities and skylines. I miss coffee shops on every corner, and concerts as often as I felt like attending. I miss compact, green, environmentally conscious living (Hello – Fairbanks, please instate a garbage/recycling pick up system ASAP). I miss constant fairs, runs, sporting events, and anything else my heart could imagine in a city.

But for now, I am Alaskan. There’s no use denying it. I’ve lived here a year, and I’m actually getting strangely used to it all.

Oh well. At least our view is better than yours.

 

I don't mean to brag but...just kidding. Mountains are the only thing I can brag about. Look at this VIEW.
I don’t mean to brag but…just kidding. Mountains are the only thing I can brag about. Look at this VIEW.

“It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
― John GreenPaper Towns

 

I quite literally grew up on “Main Street”

I’m having one of those rare moments where I just finished the last page of a book I’ve been pouring over the entire day and I’m certain the book was written solely for me. The author, Sinclair Lewis, came 94 years into the future, looked into my mind, studied my thoughts and feelings, and returned to write “Main Street”.

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I am Carol Kennicott.

For those that have yet to read Main Street by Sinclair Lewis, the book is centered around the overly sarcastic (and hilarious) protagonist Carol Milford. Milford is a liberal, free spirited girl who grew up in St. Paul, Minnesota, attended college in the Twin Cities, and starts the book enjoying a busy, urban life complete with intelligent friends and all the right parties until she meets Dr. Kennicott.

The Doctor sweeps her off her feet and to the small, prairie backwoods town of Gopher Prairie, Minnesota that consists of not much more than a Main Street and a few back streets. She detests the small town life and all of its inhabitants, and dreams of nothing more than leaving immediately. As the book progresses, she attempts to become a part of the town, joining clubs and societies, attending church, and making the best of her husband’s gossipy, boring friends.

Spoiler Alert. Years of trying to fit in and not feeling at all like she can be her liberal, outspoken self lead her move to Washington DC for a few years to pursue a career and her happiness – while still maintaining her marriage with Kennicott. She eventually returns, with a somewhat new outlook on life. But we see from the last few sentences of the book, the monotony of Carol’s life in Gopher Prairie will be unending.

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I grew up in a tiny town in Minnesota on Main Street. My address was literally Main Street AND Minnesota. My father was the mayor and a small business owner, we had a lovely home and different outlook on life than most of our neighbors. My parents encouraged my sisters and myself to be free spirited, to think for ourselves, and to follow our dreams.

I attended college in the Twin Cities (I’m telling you – this book was written for ME), and fell deeply in love with big cities. I loved the bustling streets always filled with something to do and someone to do it with. I loved the skylines, the parties, the venues, the restaurants, the shopping, the everything. I was head over heels for Minneapolis.

But I was also falling madly in love with my now husband. A military man, who I married after finishing college, and then joined in the isolated, small town of Fairbanks, Alaska. Carol’s struggle throughout “Main Street” is my current struggle.

Kennicott’s intelligent, open minded, kind demeanor while still being passionate about nature, the outdoors, and small town values reminds me of my parents and my husband.

The townspeople in the book remind me of the groups of people I have met throughout Fairbanks and really don’t have much in common with, at all. Vida and Fern, the two friends Carol made for brief periods of time are without a doubt the ONE army spouse I had ridiculous amounts of things in common with and spent nine months hanging out with before she moved.

The comparisons go on.

I devoured the book, eager to find an answer to Carol’s/my struggle and I came to the ending with an unsettling feeling that there wasn’t one. There would never be an end to Carol’s struggle as long as she envied the big cities and Kennicott was not willing to move. As hard as she fought to change how she felt about it, time could only change so much about a person. We are who we are.

Thankfully, my time in this small, isolated town is on a timeline. Otherwise a government job in Washington DC may have been my next stop. That or crazy town.

A liberal, free spirited, city girl can only survive isolation from civilization for so long.

“They were staggered to learn that a real tangible person, living in Minnesota, and married to their own flesh-and-blood relation, could apparently believe that divorce may not always be immoral; that illegitimate children do not bear any special and guaranteed form of curse; that there are ethical authorities outside of the Hebrew Bible; that men have drunk wine yet not died in the gutter; that the capitalistic system of distribution and the Baptist wedding-ceremony were not known in the Garden of Eden; that mushrooms are as edible as corn-beef hash; that the word “dude” is no longer frequently used; that there are Ministers of the Gospel who accept evolution; that some persons of apparent intelligence and business ability do not always vote the Republican ticket straight; that it is not a universal custom to wear scratchy flannels next the skin in winter; that a violin is not inherently more immoral than a chapel organ; that some poets do not have long hair; and that Jews are not always peddlers or pants-makers.

“Where does she get all them the’ries?” marveled Uncle Whittier Smail; while Aunt Bessie inquired, “Do you suppose there’s many folks got notions like hers? My! If there are,” and her tone settled the fact that there were not, “I just don’t know what the world’s coming to!”
― Sinclair LewisMain Street

grateful

While dealing with monotony and dreaming of future adventures, I’m reminded to be grateful for the simple things.

For nature and Alaska. For mini adventures on the weekends that don’t require an expensive plane ticket. For the color green after the longest winter of my life. For too many sweets and the energy to run, lift, and hike them off. For motivation to write and read despite the distractions of social media and Netflix. For my mom and her unending words of kindness and advice. For nieces that may not have the attention span to FaceTime with me right now, but giggle like crazy and say “hi” repeatedly for the first 60 seconds that they do. For a husband that deals with my sass and meets it with incredible amounts of love and laughter. For good health and great motivation. I am grateful.

photo 3 photo 2(1) photo 1(1) Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset photo 1My photos taken on a iPhone 5 in Fairbanks, Alaska. The top three are from our anniversary weekend on the Chatanika River and the bottom two are from our mountain biking excursion at the University of Fairbanks.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
– Eckhart Tolle

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